Lately, as I have been examining my life, and things I want to change, grow in, get better at etc...I asked myself this question...When people see me, do they see a Catholic??? Do I portray to others what I feel like Christ has called me to do? When people walk into my home, do they see a CATHOLIC home?
Now I definately have gotten better about caring TOO much what people think and say, but this really struck me to my core...when people see me and my family, whats the FRIST thing they think/see? I have been fortunate enough to have AMAZING CATHOLIC women in my life who truly inspire me to be a better mother, wife, and Catholic. When i am around these women I am motivated to strive for excellence in my faith because theirs is so great, and shines through in every aspect of their lives. It resonates within them, their children, their spouses, and their homes. I honestly feel as though my life as a Catholic is seriously lagging behind. I am not comparing in a jealous manner or coveting what they have...I am simply trying to immitate the exceptional example I feel Jesus is asking me to take advantage of.
Most who know me well, also know the trials we have with our son. He is a joy some days, and a bear the others. He runs hot. He runs cold, and somedays I swear he could anger the Pope himself. I often wonder..am I the ONLY parent who has a child like this. How would my other mom friends handle their child if my son was theirs?? The sigh of relief i gave when I found out we werent the ONLY parents in history to stop taking their children to church was immense. Then I wonder...why can other peoples children behave in church, and mine cant? How do other families instill proper church behavior in their kids? I am dumbfounded most mornings at church bc I sit and gaze at the array of WELL BEHAVED babes, thinking to myself, my child WOULD NEVER do that! I want a CATHOLIC approach to the solution, but Im unsure of what that is. I pray and ask for guidance. I often seek advice from others, and nothing seems to do the trick. Most days I find myself yelling and screaming at the end of the day because he has just gotten the better of me. How do I instill in him what the Lord wants me to while still keeping my sanity??
My other complaint that I am so ashamed of is that....I DONT KNOW ALOT ABOUT MY FAITH. I hardly know any of the lives of saints. I dont know alot of Catholic organizations or orders of friars to pray to. I dont know where and why the things/prayers we say during Mass come from or why we say them...I know that I do love my faith, and I am always taken aback as to the knowledge those around me have...how do you all do that? where do you find the time to gain this knowledge? I am overwhelmed as to where to start to grow or even how to begin. I know prayer has got to be first and foremost. I am getting better at working prayer time into my day with myself, and the Kids. I am going to start doing the daily readings with them, and take them to Mass at least twice a week. Im hoping for 3 days a week. I just feel that even those TINY steps will overwhelm me. I want to homeschool because I truly feel that call, but often I find myself thinking..." can I do it if I cant even get them to behave in church"...oh woe is me...
I dont mean to be such a downer. I am truly just lost. I want to be this amazing Catholic. I have dreams about the day when people look at me and say the awesome things I say about other Catholic moms I know...I worry I wont get there. I worry Ill give up on it...
I started reading this really good book called "The Catholic Home" by Meredith Gould. It an easy introduction to things I can do in my daily household that bring my faith to its center. its great. I also picked up " The Domestic Church" and " A Contintual Feast" since I love to cook.
I ask for prayers. I ask for patience, and if you do see me...some encouraging words ,maybe your story to faith...
My kids, husband and I all converted together 6 years ago. I tell myself that my kids will be much better Catholic parents than we are because they have grown up with it. That is my prayer anyway. I rarely take my 3 youngest to Mass. It isn't an obligation until they reach first communion. You know kids do mature as the years go by whether we train them or not. I am perhaps too patient and am waiting for them to gain self control so the training will be quicker. Don't let behavior stop you from homeschooling. It isn't about controling your kids, but teaching them to control themselves. A good book to help with that is Raising Your Spirited Child. For more extreme behaviors, you would need The Out of Sync child. Hth, Evelyn
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