She is 3 now. I remember when Bella was born, and how much she looked like her Aunt Stiney ( Krystina)! I remember thinking to myself if it was normal for all babies to be this attached to their mothers. I remember crying, asking if I would ever get to be alone again ( which is extra funny now that she has 2 younger siblings...lol). She was not an affectionate baby. I recall a moment when one mother said that she looked forward to when to baby would "give back" to her. I wondered what she was talking about, until I had Bella.
Bella was a taker. She latched all night long...LITERALLY!! I was a human pacifier. She didn't smile or even give you that "milk drunk" state of sleep, even after a 60 minute nursing session. There was not "letting anyone else hold her"; she didn't even let Mike hold her for any length of time until she was 18 months old. I remember the ringing in my ears from her "talking". I vividly recall all the people that told me to just let her cry it out. That I needed to make her sleep in her own bed, or she would never learn to self soothe. I remember the comments about how long I let her nurse or how often. I remember many a night questioning whether I was really doing her harm by not FORCING her to be more independent. I prayed daily for peace for my sweet, screaming baby! I asked God to bring me comfort so that I could comfort her when she needed me!
Now I can look at her, and see her giving back to me everyday. She is my most independent child. She sleeps well, most nights, and loves to cuddle and read a book!!
She gives back in her independence. She loves to tell jokes, and kid around. She is the best big sister, and truly loves with her whole self. She dresses herself, picks out her clothes and brushes her teeth...a lot of days not having to be reminded.
I know this is because I was willing to allow her to "take" all she needed without holding it against her for being the baby she was. I know its b/c I met her emotional and physical needs to the best of my ability. I can smile now, and she smiles back! I can even make her laugh now!
Today, in this moment with her, SHE is exactly what I need. In this moment, she is the one filling my love tank! God truly knows exactly what we need in each moment of each day!
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