MEEKNESS!
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5
This has been something, that through journals, I have come to realize is what I have truly been struggling with since the birth of Blaise. My lack of intellect and understanding has blocked my ability to recognize the true meaning behind God-driven meekness. While I know the story of Moses, I still lacked the meaning behind what God was asking of Moses, and the example Moses was setting by accepting.
I found this description of meekness that seems to sum up where I am mentally,and spiritually:
"Godly meekness is impossible unless we first learn a just and lowly estimate of ourselves" Read more here
I spend alot of time getting frustrated at my self, and henceforth getting frustrated with my kids, at all the things I can not get done during the day. I struggle with handling all the things on my plate between homeschooling, nursing, keeping house, and the like. I find it impossible to make time for the prayer I need, and then wonder why I am such a monster all day. I am just lost with juggling 4 kids. I have not really faced this dilemma before. Up until Blaise, I always built the adjustment to having another baby up to be so much harder than it actually was. I thought maybe this time it wouldn't be so bad so maybe I didn't prepare as much as I should have. Then I looked back at some journals from my pregnancy and just after Blaise was born...AND IT HIT ME!
Everything I wrote about was all about how I cant do this or how I cant do that. Their was nothing in there about what God might be asking of me, or what my answer to God's request was. There was nothing in there about me relying on God to provide my words or actions needed during my day. No reference to Him speaking through me to my children, or the example of Jesus I was setting for them.
Meekness...
Moses was never sure he could do what God was asking of him or that the people would follow him, but that did not stop him from accepting what God asked. He relenquished the fear of being rejected just as Jesus did. He knew that God would help him overcome his human limitations. While I know that God can fulfill the holes in my human weakness, I am often unwilling to accept what he asks of me. I battle everyday with thinking " I have to do it all" or " WHY cant I do it all?" I must work harder to realize that I will NEVER be able to do it all, but God can do it all through me. How can I teach this to my children without living this myself? How can I be an example to the world, as Moses was, if I am so unwilling to accept the path set before me? I fear rejection, judgement from others, making the wrong choice, and being made fun of. I seriously do, EVERYDAY! Yet, these are the exact things God can change in me to help me be a shining light for His Kingdom!!!! These are the things, that if I would get out of God's way, could allow me to impact the lives of my children, and those around me...
MEEKNESS...
Matthew 11:29
"Take your yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle, and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
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