I've been reading this book called " The Domestic Church, Room by Room" , by Donna Marie Cooper O' Boyle. The first chapter " The Foyer" has peaked my interest for several reasons. One, its about our Most Holy mother, MARY! The model for all Christian motherhood. I love that she references the important "YES" that Mary gave God when she accepted WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and without doubt, that she would bring the Savior of the world. But what I am struck by most in this first chapter is the concept of "love that suffers". What does it mean? Mary truly partook in every aspect of Jesus' pain and suffering. She is a mother who understands suffering. She is the new "Eve' being that she became the Mother of the whole Church at Jesus' request. We shouldn't be afraid to call on her as she knows all the pains and suffering that motherhood requires.
I also attended my monthly "mothering with grace" meeting today. The virtue of the month was hope. I feel that the chapter of my book, and this months virtue go hand and hand. I hope that I can learn to grow and emulate Mary. I hope that when my days become overwhelming, that I can remember to call upon her. I find it amazing that the same Holy Spirit that came to Mary at the Annunciation, is there for me to call upon too. DO I OFFER UP MY SUFFERING FOR THE SAKE OF LOVING MY CHILDREN THE WAY GOD HAS CALLED ME TO? I truly believe that my vocation is motherhood. Do i fulfill it to the best of my God given ability? Most days, no. Some days I come close, but fail at the end of day, usually putting my kids to bed. When my children look at me, are they seeing an image of the divine? I hope the do, but I really cant say.
I am writing this because Mike and I are having the hardest time with Max. He seems to be out of control when really...he is just doing what he sees Mike and I doing. He responds to us they way we REACT to him. Why am I not utilizing the gift I have been given the this PERFECT example of motherhood? Jesus himself was both fully man and fully God, so at some point in time he must have behaved like a toddler would. At some point in time, he must have been mischievous, and Mary must have had to discipline Him, right? There must be SOMETHING God wants all mothers to understand by having our children be toddlers, and all the other joyous phases of life! So, why then do I feel so ill equipped to deal with them? I learned alot of useful tips at my MWG meeting, and I am definitely looking forward to putting them into practice, but i still wonder...do I offer my sufferings up for the sake of love, even when I am equipped to handle whats happening? Do i truly show my children the face of Christ when i try to lead them to Him?
it something I have to work on. its something my husband has to work on. its something we can only fix with Gods loving grace and Mary's eternal hope that I too can be called to holiness in the sublime role of raising my children. Mary's holiness was rooted in her faith...that's my goal!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Gloria's Birth Story
this is ONE for the books.
I have been asked my a few people to share the story of Gloria coming into the world. I am not sure where to begin. I had been praying for weeks that she wouldn't come late for many reasons. we were up against a deadline...a BIG ONE! My official due date was July 9,2011. Mike's military contract expired July 21, 2011 at MIDNIGHT, which meant that if she was late she could only be 12 days late at the most. I love my midwife...she is the most amazing person ever, and while she had done a good job calming my fears for weeks, my due date was coming...FAST! I was beyond frustrated by the time my due date came and went...I was in pre-term labor at 33 weeks. I went to the hospital...which was a big deal since I was using a midwife, and they had to give me drugs to stop my contractions...at 33 weeks. both my midwife and I were convinced that this baby was going to come early. I didn't want to do anything that might hurt my chances of having this baby on time by prohibiting what was happening now...but we still had to make it to 36 weeks to deliver at the Birth Center.
Now, I feel the need to give a bit of history here. My first born was an agonizing 26.5 hours of hard labor with NO DRUGS. I was young, naive, and too arrogant to really do any research about birth. So i ended up with a natural, stuck in the bed, delivery...and SWORE i would never do that again. My 2nd and 3rd babies ( Max and Isabella), were both inductions with epidurals. When i got pregnant with Gloria, I was really torn as to which way I wanted to go. I knew that labor was easy with epidurals, although both Max and Bella were still long... 8-10 hours each. I felt more mature and spiritually ready to take on natural labor again, giving that it was an opportunity to offer up my suffering for the Lord. I was ecstatic when I found out that our insurance would accept the Birth Center as well. Given my history, and that this was my 4th baby...again, i was SURE she was going to be on time.
Apparently, she has other plans. I was frustrated as my due date came and went. We were charting so I was positive as to the accuracy of the EDD. I definitely understand that even with charting, THIS is still just an estimation. I was about 36 weeks along when I was informed that I was 2-3 cm and about 50% effaced. Now, I also understand that this means NOTHING in terms of when you were going to start labor, but I was truly thrilled with the fact that my body was doing SOMETHING on its own. I lived in fear that at the last minute my uterus was going to decide it didn't want to expel this baby, and literally had nightmares about it. I continued to have contractions pretty regularly for weeks, but nothing that became real labor. Nothing I did increased the intensity, or even made them come closer together. I was using a hypnobabies program in order to remain as calm as was possible during labor. I was looking forward to this experience, and wanted it to be the best it could be. I was looking forward to using the water tub and just being relaxed and in peace for the birth of this sweet baby.
Finally, as we approached 40 weeks...things really started to SLOW DOWN...yes ....slow down. The contractions stopped altogether at 40weeks 1day. well, I was exasperated. My midwife was going to be out of town the following weekend, and my body still had not changed since my checkup at 36 weeks. I was out of time. I prayed continuously for that week for Gloria to decide it was time. I sent emails upon emails asking for prayers that she would come soon, and that I wouldn't miss the insurance date and wouldn't end up being sent to the hospital ( after 42 weeks, most midwives will refer you to an OB and ultimately a hospital for delivery. I was terrified that after 8 years of healing, I was going to miss my chance of having a natural birth. I know due dates are just estimates, but I needed her out NOW. I was convinced of what my Hypnobabies CD's had been telling me for weeks..."baby are born on their birthdays, not when doctors say they are". I had a history of late babies ( my first was 42 weeks 2 days) so why was I still so unprepared for the feelings I had being "overdue"...she only had 12 days to be overdue. The whole next week I tried everything; walking, swimming, eating spicy food, all my natural remedies...and I even began getting frustrated with my midwife who insisted on waiting until 41 weeks to try anything to augment labor...I DIDNT HAVE 41 weeks...lol! ( again, i remind you that i LOVE my midwife, and now know she KNEW exactly what she was doing)
Finally, July 16 cam around...exactly 41 weeks. I did my normal routine that day. Nothing out of the norm. Mike and I actually had a HUGE argument over something silly...aka...me being hormonal. He left for confession and Mass at about 4:00pm. I thing my contractions started about then, but they weren't really worth noting until about 5:30. I wasn't convinced it was labor so at 5:30 I made a quick call to the midwife on call, since mine was out of town...figures. She didn't answer so i decided to take a shower hoping that staying upright would keep the contractions coming. After about an hour, I called again ( 6:30 pm) and spoke to the midwife. She said I didn't really sound ready to come in since I was still fin between contracitons and that I should call her back in a bit and keep her posted. Mike was still at Mass, and I was getting worried that he wasn't going to make it home to take me to the Birth Center. I didn't notice the time but somewhere around 30 minutes later, I was no longer able to talk between contractions. I wasn't in horrible pain, but i was unable to get into my hypnobabies zone, and therefore felt everything. I am not sure why my techniques weren't working, but I feel like part of it was that I was still trying to tell myself it wasn't real. I truly couldn't bear the thought that this was still false labor and the baby still wasn't coming. From here my memory kid of fades in and out. I think sometime around 7:45 I called the midwife again, and said that I REALLY wanted to be at the birth center. Given that my other labors had been long 8-10 hours...I wasn't in any hurry, but something told me i didn't want to be at home anymore. We packed up our stuff...I used the restroom and we were in the car by 8:15...Now, during the last 30mins, my contracions had picked up and were very intense. I felt the need to stop doing something during a contraction, and only move if I had to, which did make getting to the car quite difficult. Finally we took off about 8:15. It was a 20 min ride there so the midwife said she would meet us there in about 25 minutes. at this point i turned into the "screaming lady" i had worked 9 months on NOT becoming, but Gloria was coming. I told Mike about 10 minutes into the ride that he needed to get there and get there NOW. I was shocked when I felt like i wanted/needed to push...I tried not to but it didn't work. I was totally panicked thinking I was going to have this baby in the car. How could this happen? I worked so hard on preparing for this gentle, relaxing birth, and this was just chaos. We made it to the parking lot at 8:42 ( i know this because I texted a friend to let her know she needed to HURRY if she wanted to be there) Mike ran inside and told the midwife that I couldn't get out of the car, and I literally couldn't. She was coming and there was no stopping it. I stood up in the front passenger door way to try and get out, and was struck by an intense contraction in which i was pushing and there was nothing I could do...my water broke right there in the car. I thought " are you kidding??? she is a week late and now I'm going to have her in the car". Sometime in the next 3 minutes, the midwife, Michael and myself managed to get inside ( i left my bottoms in the care), lay down , and push once and there she was...Gloria Camille Mayulianos. In all the chaos, NO ONE LOOKED AT THE CLOCK until about 15 minutes after she came. The only reason we have a time of birth at 8:47 pm is bc the midwife's teenage daughter just happen to send a text message right when she was born and that's how we got a time.
My reflections on this day are scattered. I love that she was born naturally with no drugs, and I will do it that way again in a heartbeat. It was the most amazing birth experience ever. I prayed for the Lord to send me a content baby ( if you have ever met her big sister Bella, you will understand why I prayed for this), and that's EXACTLY what I got. Praise God, for this sweet baby. I am amazed at the skill lever of midwives. Gloria had a ton of meconium in her waters, and it was handled with ease and perfection. She never had a complication or was ever taken from my arms. She was pink, happy and BEAUTIFUL!!! I am amazed at the Lord's perfect timing...altogether labor was 3 hours 17 mins....a true gift from the Lord above. I waited an extra week, but was gifted with a labor the Lord knew I could handle. It was the type of experience that I wanted to have again. I am disappointed that I didn't get the water birth I had hoped for, but NEXT time, I'm heading into the midwife as soon as contractions start...I almost had a baby in a parking lot...at least she will have a great story to tell!!!
I have been asked my a few people to share the story of Gloria coming into the world. I am not sure where to begin. I had been praying for weeks that she wouldn't come late for many reasons. we were up against a deadline...a BIG ONE! My official due date was July 9,2011. Mike's military contract expired July 21, 2011 at MIDNIGHT, which meant that if she was late she could only be 12 days late at the most. I love my midwife...she is the most amazing person ever, and while she had done a good job calming my fears for weeks, my due date was coming...FAST! I was beyond frustrated by the time my due date came and went...I was in pre-term labor at 33 weeks. I went to the hospital...which was a big deal since I was using a midwife, and they had to give me drugs to stop my contractions...at 33 weeks. both my midwife and I were convinced that this baby was going to come early. I didn't want to do anything that might hurt my chances of having this baby on time by prohibiting what was happening now...but we still had to make it to 36 weeks to deliver at the Birth Center.
Now, I feel the need to give a bit of history here. My first born was an agonizing 26.5 hours of hard labor with NO DRUGS. I was young, naive, and too arrogant to really do any research about birth. So i ended up with a natural, stuck in the bed, delivery...and SWORE i would never do that again. My 2nd and 3rd babies ( Max and Isabella), were both inductions with epidurals. When i got pregnant with Gloria, I was really torn as to which way I wanted to go. I knew that labor was easy with epidurals, although both Max and Bella were still long... 8-10 hours each. I felt more mature and spiritually ready to take on natural labor again, giving that it was an opportunity to offer up my suffering for the Lord. I was ecstatic when I found out that our insurance would accept the Birth Center as well. Given my history, and that this was my 4th baby...again, i was SURE she was going to be on time.
Apparently, she has other plans. I was frustrated as my due date came and went. We were charting so I was positive as to the accuracy of the EDD. I definitely understand that even with charting, THIS is still just an estimation. I was about 36 weeks along when I was informed that I was 2-3 cm and about 50% effaced. Now, I also understand that this means NOTHING in terms of when you were going to start labor, but I was truly thrilled with the fact that my body was doing SOMETHING on its own. I lived in fear that at the last minute my uterus was going to decide it didn't want to expel this baby, and literally had nightmares about it. I continued to have contractions pretty regularly for weeks, but nothing that became real labor. Nothing I did increased the intensity, or even made them come closer together. I was using a hypnobabies program in order to remain as calm as was possible during labor. I was looking forward to this experience, and wanted it to be the best it could be. I was looking forward to using the water tub and just being relaxed and in peace for the birth of this sweet baby.
Finally, as we approached 40 weeks...things really started to SLOW DOWN...yes ....slow down. The contractions stopped altogether at 40weeks 1day. well, I was exasperated. My midwife was going to be out of town the following weekend, and my body still had not changed since my checkup at 36 weeks. I was out of time. I prayed continuously for that week for Gloria to decide it was time. I sent emails upon emails asking for prayers that she would come soon, and that I wouldn't miss the insurance date and wouldn't end up being sent to the hospital ( after 42 weeks, most midwives will refer you to an OB and ultimately a hospital for delivery. I was terrified that after 8 years of healing, I was going to miss my chance of having a natural birth. I know due dates are just estimates, but I needed her out NOW. I was convinced of what my Hypnobabies CD's had been telling me for weeks..."baby are born on their birthdays, not when doctors say they are". I had a history of late babies ( my first was 42 weeks 2 days) so why was I still so unprepared for the feelings I had being "overdue"...she only had 12 days to be overdue. The whole next week I tried everything; walking, swimming, eating spicy food, all my natural remedies...and I even began getting frustrated with my midwife who insisted on waiting until 41 weeks to try anything to augment labor...I DIDNT HAVE 41 weeks...lol! ( again, i remind you that i LOVE my midwife, and now know she KNEW exactly what she was doing)
Finally, July 16 cam around...exactly 41 weeks. I did my normal routine that day. Nothing out of the norm. Mike and I actually had a HUGE argument over something silly...aka...me being hormonal. He left for confession and Mass at about 4:00pm. I thing my contractions started about then, but they weren't really worth noting until about 5:30. I wasn't convinced it was labor so at 5:30 I made a quick call to the midwife on call, since mine was out of town...figures. She didn't answer so i decided to take a shower hoping that staying upright would keep the contractions coming. After about an hour, I called again ( 6:30 pm) and spoke to the midwife. She said I didn't really sound ready to come in since I was still fin between contracitons and that I should call her back in a bit and keep her posted. Mike was still at Mass, and I was getting worried that he wasn't going to make it home to take me to the Birth Center. I didn't notice the time but somewhere around 30 minutes later, I was no longer able to talk between contractions. I wasn't in horrible pain, but i was unable to get into my hypnobabies zone, and therefore felt everything. I am not sure why my techniques weren't working, but I feel like part of it was that I was still trying to tell myself it wasn't real. I truly couldn't bear the thought that this was still false labor and the baby still wasn't coming. From here my memory kid of fades in and out. I think sometime around 7:45 I called the midwife again, and said that I REALLY wanted to be at the birth center. Given that my other labors had been long 8-10 hours...I wasn't in any hurry, but something told me i didn't want to be at home anymore. We packed up our stuff...I used the restroom and we were in the car by 8:15...Now, during the last 30mins, my contracions had picked up and were very intense. I felt the need to stop doing something during a contraction, and only move if I had to, which did make getting to the car quite difficult. Finally we took off about 8:15. It was a 20 min ride there so the midwife said she would meet us there in about 25 minutes. at this point i turned into the "screaming lady" i had worked 9 months on NOT becoming, but Gloria was coming. I told Mike about 10 minutes into the ride that he needed to get there and get there NOW. I was shocked when I felt like i wanted/needed to push...I tried not to but it didn't work. I was totally panicked thinking I was going to have this baby in the car. How could this happen? I worked so hard on preparing for this gentle, relaxing birth, and this was just chaos. We made it to the parking lot at 8:42 ( i know this because I texted a friend to let her know she needed to HURRY if she wanted to be there) Mike ran inside and told the midwife that I couldn't get out of the car, and I literally couldn't. She was coming and there was no stopping it. I stood up in the front passenger door way to try and get out, and was struck by an intense contraction in which i was pushing and there was nothing I could do...my water broke right there in the car. I thought " are you kidding??? she is a week late and now I'm going to have her in the car". Sometime in the next 3 minutes, the midwife, Michael and myself managed to get inside ( i left my bottoms in the care), lay down , and push once and there she was...Gloria Camille Mayulianos. In all the chaos, NO ONE LOOKED AT THE CLOCK until about 15 minutes after she came. The only reason we have a time of birth at 8:47 pm is bc the midwife's teenage daughter just happen to send a text message right when she was born and that's how we got a time.
Friday, September 2, 2011
what do people see??
Lately, as I have been examining my life, and things I want to change, grow in, get better at etc...I asked myself this question...When people see me, do they see a Catholic??? Do I portray to others what I feel like Christ has called me to do? When people walk into my home, do they see a CATHOLIC home?
Now I definately have gotten better about caring TOO much what people think and say, but this really struck me to my core...when people see me and my family, whats the FRIST thing they think/see? I have been fortunate enough to have AMAZING CATHOLIC women in my life who truly inspire me to be a better mother, wife, and Catholic. When i am around these women I am motivated to strive for excellence in my faith because theirs is so great, and shines through in every aspect of their lives. It resonates within them, their children, their spouses, and their homes. I honestly feel as though my life as a Catholic is seriously lagging behind. I am not comparing in a jealous manner or coveting what they have...I am simply trying to immitate the exceptional example I feel Jesus is asking me to take advantage of.
Most who know me well, also know the trials we have with our son. He is a joy some days, and a bear the others. He runs hot. He runs cold, and somedays I swear he could anger the Pope himself. I often wonder..am I the ONLY parent who has a child like this. How would my other mom friends handle their child if my son was theirs?? The sigh of relief i gave when I found out we werent the ONLY parents in history to stop taking their children to church was immense. Then I wonder...why can other peoples children behave in church, and mine cant? How do other families instill proper church behavior in their kids? I am dumbfounded most mornings at church bc I sit and gaze at the array of WELL BEHAVED babes, thinking to myself, my child WOULD NEVER do that! I want a CATHOLIC approach to the solution, but Im unsure of what that is. I pray and ask for guidance. I often seek advice from others, and nothing seems to do the trick. Most days I find myself yelling and screaming at the end of the day because he has just gotten the better of me. How do I instill in him what the Lord wants me to while still keeping my sanity??
My other complaint that I am so ashamed of is that....I DONT KNOW ALOT ABOUT MY FAITH. I hardly know any of the lives of saints. I dont know alot of Catholic organizations or orders of friars to pray to. I dont know where and why the things/prayers we say during Mass come from or why we say them...I know that I do love my faith, and I am always taken aback as to the knowledge those around me have...how do you all do that? where do you find the time to gain this knowledge? I am overwhelmed as to where to start to grow or even how to begin. I know prayer has got to be first and foremost. I am getting better at working prayer time into my day with myself, and the Kids. I am going to start doing the daily readings with them, and take them to Mass at least twice a week. Im hoping for 3 days a week. I just feel that even those TINY steps will overwhelm me. I want to homeschool because I truly feel that call, but often I find myself thinking..." can I do it if I cant even get them to behave in church"...oh woe is me...
I dont mean to be such a downer. I am truly just lost. I want to be this amazing Catholic. I have dreams about the day when people look at me and say the awesome things I say about other Catholic moms I know...I worry I wont get there. I worry Ill give up on it...
I started reading this really good book called "The Catholic Home" by Meredith Gould. It an easy introduction to things I can do in my daily household that bring my faith to its center. its great. I also picked up " The Domestic Church" and " A Contintual Feast" since I love to cook.
I ask for prayers. I ask for patience, and if you do see me...some encouraging words ,maybe your story to faith...
Now I definately have gotten better about caring TOO much what people think and say, but this really struck me to my core...when people see me and my family, whats the FRIST thing they think/see? I have been fortunate enough to have AMAZING CATHOLIC women in my life who truly inspire me to be a better mother, wife, and Catholic. When i am around these women I am motivated to strive for excellence in my faith because theirs is so great, and shines through in every aspect of their lives. It resonates within them, their children, their spouses, and their homes. I honestly feel as though my life as a Catholic is seriously lagging behind. I am not comparing in a jealous manner or coveting what they have...I am simply trying to immitate the exceptional example I feel Jesus is asking me to take advantage of.
Most who know me well, also know the trials we have with our son. He is a joy some days, and a bear the others. He runs hot. He runs cold, and somedays I swear he could anger the Pope himself. I often wonder..am I the ONLY parent who has a child like this. How would my other mom friends handle their child if my son was theirs?? The sigh of relief i gave when I found out we werent the ONLY parents in history to stop taking their children to church was immense. Then I wonder...why can other peoples children behave in church, and mine cant? How do other families instill proper church behavior in their kids? I am dumbfounded most mornings at church bc I sit and gaze at the array of WELL BEHAVED babes, thinking to myself, my child WOULD NEVER do that! I want a CATHOLIC approach to the solution, but Im unsure of what that is. I pray and ask for guidance. I often seek advice from others, and nothing seems to do the trick. Most days I find myself yelling and screaming at the end of the day because he has just gotten the better of me. How do I instill in him what the Lord wants me to while still keeping my sanity??
My other complaint that I am so ashamed of is that....I DONT KNOW ALOT ABOUT MY FAITH. I hardly know any of the lives of saints. I dont know alot of Catholic organizations or orders of friars to pray to. I dont know where and why the things/prayers we say during Mass come from or why we say them...I know that I do love my faith, and I am always taken aback as to the knowledge those around me have...how do you all do that? where do you find the time to gain this knowledge? I am overwhelmed as to where to start to grow or even how to begin. I know prayer has got to be first and foremost. I am getting better at working prayer time into my day with myself, and the Kids. I am going to start doing the daily readings with them, and take them to Mass at least twice a week. Im hoping for 3 days a week. I just feel that even those TINY steps will overwhelm me. I want to homeschool because I truly feel that call, but often I find myself thinking..." can I do it if I cant even get them to behave in church"...oh woe is me...
I dont mean to be such a downer. I am truly just lost. I want to be this amazing Catholic. I have dreams about the day when people look at me and say the awesome things I say about other Catholic moms I know...I worry I wont get there. I worry Ill give up on it...
I started reading this really good book called "The Catholic Home" by Meredith Gould. It an easy introduction to things I can do in my daily household that bring my faith to its center. its great. I also picked up " The Domestic Church" and " A Contintual Feast" since I love to cook.
I ask for prayers. I ask for patience, and if you do see me...some encouraging words ,maybe your story to faith...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
1 Samuel 1:27...
" For this child I prayed; and the Lord has granted me the petition that I made to Him"
~ 1 Samuel 1:27
I just wanted to blog some JOYOUS thoughts! Thanks to an AMAZING meeting on Monday with some of my most favorite Catholic women, I am having a much better time MOTHERING my children. We talked about patience. What is it? How do we use it? Do we heed God's call to be patient with others as he is with us?
It has really stuck with me the last 3 days, and I must say that I have yet to loose my temper this week. Max has definatly been his usual 4 year old self, and I have tried very hard to imagine God standing there speaking through me to my son. I am writing this mostly because I have realzied that I have NO FEAR about having 3 children. I was very nervous about having 2...and it struck me that this Verse from 1 Samuel..sums it up! Although I have to very energetic kids already...for this child I did pray. I feel God's amazing Grace all over me right now, and I am so thankful that we prayerfully decided to try and have another baby. The emense joy can not be overshadowed by doubt or fear or ...well, ANYTHING!
I continue each day to thank the Lord, for the gift of children, and I am so THANKFUL for amazing, faithfilled Catholic Mothers to help guide my YOUNG faith steps! Thank you Lord for blessing me with these women, and their ever encouraging faith in YOU!!!
~The End
~ 1 Samuel 1:27
I just wanted to blog some JOYOUS thoughts! Thanks to an AMAZING meeting on Monday with some of my most favorite Catholic women, I am having a much better time MOTHERING my children. We talked about patience. What is it? How do we use it? Do we heed God's call to be patient with others as he is with us?
It has really stuck with me the last 3 days, and I must say that I have yet to loose my temper this week. Max has definatly been his usual 4 year old self, and I have tried very hard to imagine God standing there speaking through me to my son. I am writing this mostly because I have realzied that I have NO FEAR about having 3 children. I was very nervous about having 2...and it struck me that this Verse from 1 Samuel..sums it up! Although I have to very energetic kids already...for this child I did pray. I feel God's amazing Grace all over me right now, and I am so thankful that we prayerfully decided to try and have another baby. The emense joy can not be overshadowed by doubt or fear or ...well, ANYTHING!
I continue each day to thank the Lord, for the gift of children, and I am so THANKFUL for amazing, faithfilled Catholic Mothers to help guide my YOUNG faith steps! Thank you Lord for blessing me with these women, and their ever encouraging faith in YOU!!!
~The End
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Baby Mayo #3!
we are very pleased to announce that...WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!! our newest bundle of baby joy will be here July 2011!!
I am super excited for a few reasons
1) We "tried" for 7 months and finally had success!!!
2)Being due in July makes me hopeful that the baby could be born on my Nana's birthday of July 13th!! what a great blessing!
3)MIKE WILL BE HOME IN TIME!! Looking back over our 7 months of trying to concieve, I realize now that this cycle was the right one. Mike will be here. I realize now that having 38 day cycles had a reason, and I am so thankful for God for always knowing what is best for us, even when we dont. He knew we wanted a baby, and brought us one is His prefect timing.
4)Being a mother of 3 is going to be so rewarding. I look forward to being a super busy mom. I enjoy being a super busy mom, sometimes LOL!!!
we are so excited to meet this new little person, and are looking so forward to the coming months!! Thank you Jesus for your countless blessings on our family!
I am super excited for a few reasons
1) We "tried" for 7 months and finally had success!!!
2)Being due in July makes me hopeful that the baby could be born on my Nana's birthday of July 13th!! what a great blessing!
3)MIKE WILL BE HOME IN TIME!! Looking back over our 7 months of trying to concieve, I realize now that this cycle was the right one. Mike will be here. I realize now that having 38 day cycles had a reason, and I am so thankful for God for always knowing what is best for us, even when we dont. He knew we wanted a baby, and brought us one is His prefect timing.
4)Being a mother of 3 is going to be so rewarding. I look forward to being a super busy mom. I enjoy being a super busy mom, sometimes LOL!!!
we are so excited to meet this new little person, and are looking so forward to the coming months!! Thank you Jesus for your countless blessings on our family!
Deployment!
so here we are... 48 hours in, and I am very surprised at how EMOTIONAL I am. I really thought the anxiety over Mike leaving was going to be the worst part of deployment. The anticpation of the final goodbye, hug, kiss..is nothing compared to the agony I feel over...is he sick, tired, lonely, depressed, scared, hungry, homesick. I am finding myself dwealing several times a day over "what is he doing now?" or "how awful Kryjikistan must be". I am truly uneasy with Mike being gone, moreso than I expected, but isnt that the definition of deployment? Expecting everything unexpected. I am not sure if its because I am realizing how much danger he is in, or if its beacuse I feel really guilty for Mike having to be over there at all, considering he is beacuse he is taking care of myself and the kids. I think I am going to address the latter issue first!
I really didnt expect the guilt I would feel over Mike having to go overseas. I know its his job, but it is a job he does to take care of us, not because he enjoys it so much anymore. I recall March 2010 when we were stumped as to what we were going to do for income and how we were going to make ends meet. I feel as though I convinced him to extend in the Navy so that at least we would have a year to be prepared for unemployment. Now, I cant help but realize that WE are the reason he is in Afganistan. His own family...how could we do this to him? There arent a whole lot of words except those. Could I have done more to keep him from having to extend? Should I have commited to job searching more for him? if we stuck to our budget better, would he even be there at all? I know this may sound silly to some, like how could I feel gulity about my husband working, but I really do. ANY MILITARY WIFE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN!!!! its not just a job, its a life, and did I knowingly put my husband in danger because I wanted to stay at home? Now, please understand, that Mike has not made me feel this way. I am doing this to myself. My amazing husband selflessly gives up his life to fight for a country and family he believes in. He drives 120 miles a day to a job he is not happy with for a family he loves. He gets up at 4am and home at 8pm 5 days a week for a family he loves. He is EVEN willing to lay down his life for a family he loves, and expects himself to take the best care that he can of that family. Being in the Navy does that. Unfortunately, it doesnt keep my mind from wondering if there had been better way. If there had been a better way to provide without Mike having to miss births, birthdays, holidays, family time, etdc?? I am almost positive I am really just venting about all this so please bear with me!
The second reason I am so overwhelmed and truly worried is because Mike REALLY is in danger. Where he is located, no one US Military related has been yet. He will be building his own houses/tents, communication lines, supply lines, and baciscally making himself a MEAGER home in the middle of nowhere. I dont know the right words to use to express the emotional side of this fact. Its more than just " my husband is in danger". its more than " he might get hurt". Its HE REALLY MIGHT NOT COME BACK. How do i not allow this thought to cripple my heart. Its realzing that a complete part of your very existence might never be part of you again. Its more than my half my heart. Its HALF MY SOUL. I firmly believe that Mike is my soul mate and with him being over there, half my soul is over there too!! Its realizing that I put half my soul in danger, unknowingly, because lets be honest....none of this would have occured to me BEFORE deployment. How do you say goodbye knowing it really might be that last time you ever see each other? While I believe whole-heartedly in God's ultimate plan, and I do believe that He would not have blessed us with a new baby and never have Mike see that baby...that doesnt make me right. God's ultimate plan could be very different from that. How do I accept this fate even if its God's ultimate will? I believe that hardest part is not knowing the answer, and isnt that always the hardest part of waiting for God's timing?
I take solice and comfort in my amazing family and friends, who will walk this path with me daily. I know you all will watch me fall down and fall down again much as Jesus did. I have no doubt that my resilience will waver, but I know through prayer that God's ultimate will is best for us all. I am so blessed with faith filled friends who will pray with me, and guide me when I do waver. Its uplifting just to remeber that. I ask you all, whoever reads this, to WHOLE-HEARTEDLY keep my family in your prayers, and pray for Mike's safe return. Its all we can afford him, and what he needs the most!
its been 48 hours, only 2347664598643398 hours to go....
I really didnt expect the guilt I would feel over Mike having to go overseas. I know its his job, but it is a job he does to take care of us, not because he enjoys it so much anymore. I recall March 2010 when we were stumped as to what we were going to do for income and how we were going to make ends meet. I feel as though I convinced him to extend in the Navy so that at least we would have a year to be prepared for unemployment. Now, I cant help but realize that WE are the reason he is in Afganistan. His own family...how could we do this to him? There arent a whole lot of words except those. Could I have done more to keep him from having to extend? Should I have commited to job searching more for him? if we stuck to our budget better, would he even be there at all? I know this may sound silly to some, like how could I feel gulity about my husband working, but I really do. ANY MILITARY WIFE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN!!!! its not just a job, its a life, and did I knowingly put my husband in danger because I wanted to stay at home? Now, please understand, that Mike has not made me feel this way. I am doing this to myself. My amazing husband selflessly gives up his life to fight for a country and family he believes in. He drives 120 miles a day to a job he is not happy with for a family he loves. He gets up at 4am and home at 8pm 5 days a week for a family he loves. He is EVEN willing to lay down his life for a family he loves, and expects himself to take the best care that he can of that family. Being in the Navy does that. Unfortunately, it doesnt keep my mind from wondering if there had been better way. If there had been a better way to provide without Mike having to miss births, birthdays, holidays, family time, etdc?? I am almost positive I am really just venting about all this so please bear with me!
The second reason I am so overwhelmed and truly worried is because Mike REALLY is in danger. Where he is located, no one US Military related has been yet. He will be building his own houses/tents, communication lines, supply lines, and baciscally making himself a MEAGER home in the middle of nowhere. I dont know the right words to use to express the emotional side of this fact. Its more than just " my husband is in danger". its more than " he might get hurt". Its HE REALLY MIGHT NOT COME BACK. How do i not allow this thought to cripple my heart. Its realzing that a complete part of your very existence might never be part of you again. Its more than my half my heart. Its HALF MY SOUL. I firmly believe that Mike is my soul mate and with him being over there, half my soul is over there too!! Its realizing that I put half my soul in danger, unknowingly, because lets be honest....none of this would have occured to me BEFORE deployment. How do you say goodbye knowing it really might be that last time you ever see each other? While I believe whole-heartedly in God's ultimate plan, and I do believe that He would not have blessed us with a new baby and never have Mike see that baby...that doesnt make me right. God's ultimate plan could be very different from that. How do I accept this fate even if its God's ultimate will? I believe that hardest part is not knowing the answer, and isnt that always the hardest part of waiting for God's timing?
I take solice and comfort in my amazing family and friends, who will walk this path with me daily. I know you all will watch me fall down and fall down again much as Jesus did. I have no doubt that my resilience will waver, but I know through prayer that God's ultimate will is best for us all. I am so blessed with faith filled friends who will pray with me, and guide me when I do waver. Its uplifting just to remeber that. I ask you all, whoever reads this, to WHOLE-HEARTEDLY keep my family in your prayers, and pray for Mike's safe return. Its all we can afford him, and what he needs the most!
its been 48 hours, only 2347664598643398 hours to go....
Saturday, August 14, 2010
post partum Part 2...LIFE!!!
welll, Im not sure I am over my depression, but I am better! I am energized, and trying my best to keep the kids busy during the day!!! Mike has a month of leave so I think that will help too!!!
Right now, I am really trying to get ready for the fall. We have so many big things happening in the next 3 months. Mike is deploying Nov. 5-9, My birthday is in 3 weeks, Max;s birthday is in 2 months, Bella turns one a few weeks after that on Thanksgiving...and we are moving back to Charlotte. Im now trying to get Max ready for school, repaint, pack, take care of Bella, do my own school, get Mike ready, mix in family time, balance the checkbook...... I dont know if I can get it all done! Now, I know some of you think I am super woman (lol), but I am not up for all this right now. I really just want to be lazy...AAARRGGGGHHH!!!
So the other day I decided to take control of the chaos that is my life...I am much more productive when I am BUSY...so despite the complaning, I am happy! I have started my day in prayer, and I am eating better. My goal...LOOOSE 100LBS by the time Mike comes back...I know I can do it, despite wanting to sit down and cry about how awful I look right now! I know I can get all my packing done, but I just dont want to do it....LOL!!! how do other moms keep the smile on their faces...i dont want to smile! I want to cry!
Im not sure where this post was going, maybe it was just a vent, but its all the thoughts in my head for now...i just need a hug from a mom who gets this stress...im not sure I am handling it very well, despite my new found faith that I can get it all done...
onto TOMORROW!!
Right now, I am really trying to get ready for the fall. We have so many big things happening in the next 3 months. Mike is deploying Nov. 5-9, My birthday is in 3 weeks, Max;s birthday is in 2 months, Bella turns one a few weeks after that on Thanksgiving...and we are moving back to Charlotte. Im now trying to get Max ready for school, repaint, pack, take care of Bella, do my own school, get Mike ready, mix in family time, balance the checkbook...... I dont know if I can get it all done! Now, I know some of you think I am super woman (lol), but I am not up for all this right now. I really just want to be lazy...AAARRGGGGHHH!!!
So the other day I decided to take control of the chaos that is my life...I am much more productive when I am BUSY...so despite the complaning, I am happy! I have started my day in prayer, and I am eating better. My goal...LOOOSE 100LBS by the time Mike comes back...I know I can do it, despite wanting to sit down and cry about how awful I look right now! I know I can get all my packing done, but I just dont want to do it....LOL!!! how do other moms keep the smile on their faces...i dont want to smile! I want to cry!
Im not sure where this post was going, maybe it was just a vent, but its all the thoughts in my head for now...i just need a hug from a mom who gets this stress...im not sure I am handling it very well, despite my new found faith that I can get it all done...
onto TOMORROW!!
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