expectations

lately i have been in a very contemplative state of mind. Ive been thinking about friendships, relationships, seeing the Christ in others on a daily basis, and how these things form our expectations of others. I wonder often how I place these things on other people, and am I expecting too much out of people. I know a lot of times in my marriage i find myself expecting my husband to "just know" what I need or even what needs to be done. I find that often i do a very bad job of communicating my needs and for some reason EXPECT others to just know whats in my head. Worst of all, I get upset when others don't meet the expectations I have placed on them and they don't even know I have the expectation in the first place.

i blogged a bit ago about how my fulfillment should always come from the Lord, and as I grow closer to Him I am finding that alot of the reason I don't have friends is that my expectations for them to be the prefect friend, often get in the way of true friendship. I expect them to get invited to every event. i expect them to know what hurts my feelings, and when my feelings are hurt, i expect them to know that they did it. I have noticed over the last year that i have lost several friends, and often bc I just didn't communicate my expectations to them the way I should. Or i waited until i had been hurt time and time again, and then EXPLODED in a sea of anger and harshness, that was really uncalled for. I ask myself...if Jesus had been standing there next to me, what would He have instructed me to do with those feelings????

i think He would have expected to me forgive ( what is it 70x70 times). He would have expected to keep my expectations in check, and that even if my feelings were truly hurt..to let that person still see His glory through me. I have done a horrible job of that this month. HORRIBLE. Yes, i know we are only human, but aren't the people i explode upon only human too?? aren't the people that i have these ridiculous expectations on only human too?? why do i have this sense of entitlement that people should just know what does or does not hurt my feelings?? where did this come from?

I an truly humbled by a certain group of friends that have loved me despite my erratic behavior. They have truly shown me the Christ in them, and have reminded me of what i need to let others see in me. they are not perfect, and i am learning to except that about our imperfect human nature. I am learning to have manageable and meetable expectations, not just with my friends, but with my children, my husband, and myself. i have set reasonable goals for all of us and I can only hope that the people I have hurt can forgive me for my actions. I love learning with Christ's gentle guiding hand beside me...i find that learning through his guidance doesn't hurt or require as much pain as it does when I try to do it myself.

THAT took me a long time to learn.

Feast of the Immaculate Conception 2011

I have been trying for MONTHS now to mamage to get a FEAST DAY actually celebrated in my house. Advent has been ok...we are trying...

I did manage to orgainze and plan for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception...just a few things we did.
During our monring prayer, we prayed/sang 3 extra Hail Marys, and the "Ave Maria". We also ate blueberry scones and blueberry smoothies for breakfast in honor of Mary. We have so much fun!!!

Hope your feast day was Blessed, and as lovely as ours was!!!

ok Lord, I hear you...

LOUD AND CLEAR....

I am so blessed with AMAZING, CATHOLIC women in my life. I have been so uplifted, encouraged, humbled, and astounded at what the Lord has revealed to me this week. I know I have a purpose in this life, and I feel ready to tackle it...head on. ( Lord, please keep me motivated to you your will)

I have, for a while now, felt a general withdrawal from the secular world. I wasn't sure why at first, but slowly over time, God has revealed to me a new path in my life. I have always believed that the Lord, knew my passions, and He knew my wants, but this is the first time I have felt him moving me towards something I have a passion for. I am so thankful for so many reasons.

First, I am thankful that he always knows exactly what I need. He knew I need to withdraw a bit from how I was living my life in order to truly hear Him speaking to me. He knew that I needed to nurture my Catholic friendships as this would guide me closer to Him, and join my will to His. He knew that this would take time, which it has because I am truly stubborn. He also knew I wouldn't have listened if I had the distraction of " social media" keeping me back.

Second, I am EVERLASTINGLY thankful for all the little( OK maybe they aren't little) dots along my journey in this life. There have been years of wondering what all the trials, tribulations, joys and sorrows have been for , and I feel now that He is LIVING in my heart, they all have purpose. They have meaning. They have a voice, and its a voice that He is calling me to share with others. I truly feel grateful for each and every one of them, and I didn't know this feeling was possible. I know they have ALL been part of His eternal plan for me, and completely understand how He wants me to use them.

Third, I am thankful these experiences all GLORIFY the Lord. They, simply put, testify to God's almighty plan for each person in this world...if we choose to live it. I am humbled that the Lord trusted me with these experiences that I can now turn around and use them to GLORIFY HIS HOLY NAME!!!

Finally, i am grateful for God's unwavering love for me, this imperfect human. I am honored that He sent His only Son so that I could live eternally in His loving arms...

I ask for your prayers as I embark on what I'm sure will be an amazing journey... and ask only for encouragement along the way.

A path set before me...

for a while now i have had this feeling that God is calling me to work in the Pro-life movement. It comes in subtle whispers. I notice myself reading alot of books about Natural Family Planning (NFP). I am friends with an amazing teacher of NFP in the Charlotte area, who has given me amazing encouragement and points of contact. Through my own journey of trying to conceive, I have learned so much about the human body, and the truly incredible gift of life. Being able to create with my husband and God, these amazing little people has been one of the best experiences of my life. I know that some aren't as blessed to have getting pregnant come easily. My parents struggled for years before turning to adoption, for which I am eternally grateful.

I have been researching and debating on which method to become a teacher of NFP, as there are several choices. My biggest fears are not having the time to commit with 3 small children at home. Will I get the chance to truly touch the lives of couples in the amazing way? Will i be the saving grace for a marriage that could be falling apart from infertility? Do i want to take on that role in other peoples lives? Will i even be good at it? While I do have a passion for it, I worry that like most projects i set out to do, Ill give up too easily. Do i have the means to get the necessary training required to teach?

I know the need it great, as I read stories everyday about women struggling to conceive, and it truly hurts my heart. I want to help couples. I want to serve the Lord to the best of my ability. I don't know what I am capable of, only God knows that. I know that if this is something He is truly calling me to do then He will light my path...I have to place my passion and desires in His hands each day. I love this lesson because it applies so much to the process of having a baby. Babies are gifts from above. A perfect image of the DIVINE CREATOR of all life. I am thankful for the loving hand of the Lord in this endeavor. I am thankful for my Catholic faith so as to have a TRUE understanding of the sanctity of life. I am thankful for my wonderful, God given husband who encourages me and truly helps guide my soul to heaven by serving the Lord. I ask for your prayers for my path to be well lit, and easy to follow...

The " Tooth Fairy" Diaries

Max lost his first tooth today, November 12, 2011.  He was so excited, and even let us help encourage it out by letting us wiggle it too! We did end up giving it a decent tug at the end to finally get it out, since it had been ready to come out for days and was driving Max crazy. We definitely were excited that the tooth fairy now gets to start visiting our house.

I have very fond memories of the tooth fairy from my childhood, as does Mike. My mother actually still has all my baby teeth in a bag, which I find a wee bit creepy. Mike and I wanted to make sure Max has this fond memory as well...so we have been playing up the tooth fairy all week, in anticipation for his tooth falling out. He was so excited, and his little face lit up every time we talked about it. I am so excited to go put a quarter under his pillow. hopefully, he will remember to look under his head in the morning!!!

I cant believe how much he has grown up in 5 years. I remember his sweet chubby little face running around at 8 months old, and it seems like an eternity since then. I am truly learning to cherish each moment with my babies, as this milestone has really struck the sentimental chord in my heart. Time really flies!

Bella's first "real" movie experience

Mike and I decided, after much deliberation, to take Bella to a movie for her 2nd birthday coming up. We went to see "Puss in Boots" mostly because she LOVES Shreck...or at least loves to carry the movie box around with her everywhere she goes. We had a great time as a family, and we really enjoyed the movie, although our children didn't understand most of the humor, they did enjoy the colors and characters on the screen!

While we did have a good time, I'm reminded of the reasons we just don't go to the movies. First, its EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE!! I wont say how much we spent, but for most people it was probably equivalent to a tank of gas. Second, trying to get our kids to sit still that long is a challenge. Isabella did very well for not quite being 2, but it did take both Mike and I distracting her more than once to get her back into her chair and quiet. Third, we did notice that some of the content in the movie was a bit inappropriate even for our kids who wouldn't really get it. I find that most animated movies that we screen these days are very inappropriate and we wouldn't think to bring our kids to them. Lastly, we were EXHAUSTED!!!! I wanted to enjoy the movie too, but trying to hold down the fort was quite the task, even as well behaved as the kids were.

I do believe next time we will just wait for the red box and the comfort of our own home!!!

the hanidcap button

we made an attempt at daily mass today BC I was having a hard time giving my anxiety back to the Lord about our finances. I was fully prepared for the difficult time I have been having with Isabella approaching 2, but was confident that with a new drawing pad doddle thing ( that's the technical term) on my phone, that Max would sit quietly. We arrived on time ( amazing), and got a seat in the back row so as not to disrupt everyone with our ups and downs. I handed the phone to Max, and told him to sit quietly so mommy could pray. About 7-8 minutes into mass, aka the homily, I had to take Bells out to stand between the two sets of doors at the back of the church. She was getting into everything, I mean everything...someone had left their umbrella out there...she BROKE IT! She knocked over the Mary statue as well...All I needed was 30 MINUTES with the LORD, 30 MINUTES...i was not going to get it this morning. A few minutes later, Max came RUNNING out to tell me my phone was ringing, at the TOP of his lungs. I instructed him to go sit down, the consecration was coming up and he needed to let other people pray. Skip through the 3 other times he came out to me in the next 5 minutes to the MIDDLE of the most important part of Mass...when I had insisted Max just sit with me in the back...to the handicap doors FLYING OPEN with all their swooshing glory as if we needed EVERYONE to know we were back there...i was mortified...MORTIFIED!!! I gave up and took the kids outside to just sit so I could regain control of myself.  I just needed 30 MINUTES...to sit and have receive the Lord's grace for my worry/anxiety...30 MINUTES!!!

i guess the Lord knew my heart was in the right place BC we got word today of some GREAT financial news, and I also had 2 random phone calls for MARY KAY and sold $100 worth of product!!! Thank you Lord, for rewarding my diligence even if it didn't come to fruition! I could definitely look back and smile on today!!