ADHD...do I even buy it??

I am sitting here writing this just as the 5 year old, who seems to have been taken over by some entity, sleeps so peacefully next to me. How can this be the same child who a few hours ago was puking from having a temper tantrum and threw a book at me??? How can these even be the same person.

I sit here writing this so that in 2 days time when we head back to the doctor, and hear the acronym ADHD, I don't blow a gasket. Do i really believe ADHD exists? Do I think its just some ridiculous thing made up by drug companies to try to test drugs out on kids? To be perfectly honest...I'm not sure what i think.

I know that I have a husband who suffers from ADD and i do mean suffers. I watch him battle his ADD every moment of everyday so that he wont have to take medicine and consequently have a label attached to him. For some reason when I look into the eyes of my child, I just don't see it.Maybe its a defense mechanism that my brain has implanted to keep me from truly accepting this diagnosis. I'm not sure. I look at his angelic sleeping face, and think what must it be like for him to live everyday being out of control....and then it HIT me like a ton of bricks....

YES, I DO BELIEVE ADHD EXISTS!!!

If i choose not to believe in it, then what do I do to help my child who just suffers everyday even when given loving, guiding, encouraging parenting. How can I help him learn to cope with something that I don't really understand, and that he might not have the intelligence yet to get? If I choose to think that its just an over diagnosis for when people don't really want to take the time to find out whats wrong with their child, or for why their child goes bonkers after being seated for 7 hours a day, then my son still lives in turmoil.

For my sons sake, I have to believe its real. I believe that we are doing whats best for him at this point. I believe that this will get better with or without medicine. I believe that I have put this off for an ENTIRE year, to the detriment of my son, because I don't want him to be labeled or to have an excuse. I believe that God has His amazing, loving hands guiding my steps and giving me strength to accept what I know is coming. I believe that i have a husband who can understand what life is like for our son, and who believes this is the right thing to do also.

I AM TERRIFIED. scared down to my core. I am worried that the meds might really have lasting effects. I am worried the medicine is going to completely change all the things i truly love about my son. I fear I wont know who he is anymore. I fear that his sweet personality will just become a lifeless shell...still trapped, but in a different way. I fear that this could be wrong...and then what do I tell him when he asks why he had to take the medicine and it didn't make him better.

oh Lord, calm my heart and help me put my trust in YOU!!