I often wonder how much God is really asking of me, and if I am REALLY giving all I can to Him. If I do everything I feel He is asking of me, would I have time for anything else? As I sit here, the girls are eating oranges at the table. The house is quiet. A few hours ago, it was in chaos. A few hours ago, Max was here. I feel guilty even admitting that its so peaceful after he leaves for school. Alas, I am worn out. I am bogged down with the parental responsibility of putting out Max's emotional fires at 6 am. I have blogged about Max and his
ADHD before. How this sweet child, am image of the Divine God, can rattle my conscience as much as he does, I will never know. I find myself truly distraught over my ability to raise him. I ask God, if He is aware of my limitations, why did He ask me to raise THIS child? I love Max. I learn a lot from Max everyday. I do feel ill-equipped to guide him. I pray about this child more so than the others. I offer an ENTIRE Rosary daily for him, and my ability to guide him to the Lord. He will be my road to sanctification.
I am watching EWTN now and the Conclave coverage. I am truly in AWE of this fascinating time for the Church. To be honest, I pray one of my boys will be called to the priesthood. What an honor!!! I am watching all the holy men process into the Sistine Chapel, and I wonder HOW MANY of them might have been strong-willed little boys? How many of them might have given their mothers a "run for their money"? How did their mothers guide them to be the holy, godly men they are today? I am glad my children are all strong-willed. They will need it in the world they are growing up in. They will need to use it in this morally deprived world swimming in relativism and a secular world view. I worry I am not guiding their wills to seek God above all other things. As I mature, THIS is my parenting goal. ( if that is even the right word, GOAL) As tired and frustrated as I am with raising my oldest child, God will give me the grace to complete this mission...IF I AM WILLING TO ASK!
I suppose praying 2 Rosaries a day isn't the worst thing God could ask of me!
You are not alone, and it's nice to know that I am not alone in raising our little boy and the worries and guilt it brings! Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reminder to look at the positive side of an extreme challenge of parenting. You are right about the potential benefits of being strong-willed...in my case, I just hope I can learn to balance love with all of the discipline my strong-willed child requires. Without a loving mother, it will only be more difficult for her...God help me!
ReplyDeleteFrances,
ReplyDeleteyou are so right. I often forget to balance the discipline with positive encouraging words as well. I have found that I must deposit love into his emotional tank before his behavior warrants a HUGE withdrawal!!
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteYou little guy is such a sweetie! I want the world to know that kids with these types of issues can be taught and cherished as much (if not more) than their well behaved counterparts. I find Max teaches me so much through this journey...I am thankful (when I am not in tears) that God is speaking to me though him!