yes its truly been a while... we moved and I can say that I like it, but its not home!
Mike is set to deploy again in OCT/NOV, and I am dreading it! I re enrolled in school, medical billing, and love it! Hoping to double our income beginning next year! Mike is thinking about getting out of the military this time 2011, and although we are scared, we really believe its in the best interest of our family!
SPEAKING OF FAMILY...can i tell you all how bad I have baby fever!! In the midst of what I think it post partum depression, my heart is aching for another child. I know that waiting another year is best, but I cant shake the unwavering desire for a child in my womb...why is it that God will give you the desire and will for another baby only to have you realize that waiting another year is best? On top of that, Max keeps asking me EVERYDAY when we are going to have another baby...HMMM??? is this a sign??? I dont think it is, but If everyone on the planet is having baby, Im pretty sure I know them all! I also positive that this post is a vent for so many reasons. I love NFP, truly in my heart , but now that I am aware of whats actually going on, I feel like i have a double edged sword. For the first time in my life, its OK for me to have a baby...Im married, financially stable, with a loving husband and a house etc...and NOW i have to wait...WHY??? I cant shake the jealousy I have been felling towards my friends that are pregnant. My heart truly hurts for even admitting it, but I have AMAZING friends! I know that everything will happen in Gods time, but i am truly having a hard time WAITING for it.
As far as the depression goes, Im pretty sure its been slowing coming on for a few weeks. I think its a combination of being tried of being over weight, and hating the way i look and feel about myself, and post partum. I am not sure I know how to work through it, but I do not have any bad thoughts or scary ideas about what I might do to my children...no worries! Im just kid of BLAH...i am mad that Im sooooo unhealthy and all that makes me wanna do it eat. Im sad that Im not pregnant, but being pregnant already being as heavy as I am....is a bad idea. Bells is still nursing full time, and Im PRETTY sure is GOds way of telling me its not time for another baby! I just dont want to do anything. I noticed that I am overly seeking the approval of my friends to boost my esteem, a sure sign of depression for me...so what do I do?? how to I cope without being dragged further into with the monotony of being a stay at home mom...I tried excercising but truly it made me more irritable bc i was even more tired...I just cant shake this one!
ho hum...i think im gonna go cry for a bit
