our daily prayers

I am getting in the swing of things over the last week with "school" or at least our version of it. I am enjoying the home time with the kids, and we are really enjoying our NEW home.
I recently, after taking advice from some moms I know, started posting our daily prayers and guidelines for behavior in our kitchen where we spend most of our time. I invested money in some really sweet Rosary videos and was elated when Max asked if he could watch it again ( despite that it was made in 1990...lol) I am pleased that his behavior seems to be improving since we are enforcing the rules much more consistently, and we are actively participating in each others lives. I have started reminding him about the rules which is easy since they are posted right where everyone can see them. I love that he enjoys washing the dishes, and he does a good job. I love that he is learning to do chores with a gracious and giving heart so that we can spend more time together doing fun things. I love that he has taken an interest in my day so that I can turn around and take more of an interest in his life.

I am really enjoying this time in our lives, and if you had seen me at the Schiele Museum a week ago, you might think this post is a joke! Max has really been a trying child. I am not sure whats been going on with him but Mike and I decided that we need a break from reality. We have been staying at home alot. We have been insisting he follows the rules and insisting he make the restitution when he breaks them...its working so far. We still have a long way to go, but I am thankful for the Faith I get to share with my children because its really making our home life better.

Praise Jesus!

School..oh yeah..

I was totally aiming to start "schooling" Max on Monday..yeah that didnt happen!!!

today is friday...my goal: have Monday-Friday folders organized and STUFT full of color pages, reading assignments,outdoor activites, Saint stories etc...plus we have some really great field trips coming up!!

PROCRASTINATION...GET OUT OF MY BODY!!!

Adventures in Tandem nursing

I must admit...I am loving tandem nursing.

I was really worried about how I would mange nursing both babies. I was REALLY worried Isabella would beat up Gloria. I must tell you I am shockingly surprised how well its working out. Isabella has been so great about the baby. She does get upset but only at me. She never gets upset at Gloria, and when the nurse together, Bella is ALWAYS holding Gloria's hand.

When i found out I was pregnant with Gloria, I immediately got my hands on some tandem nursing books and materials. I was pleasantly surprised to read that most tandem nursed babies actually got along very well, and there were very few jealousy issues. Now, fast forward to present day...HAVE YOU MET 2 YEAR OLD BELLA??? I seriously contemplated weaning her at 15 months. I was encouraged to wean her at 12. At 18 months, people thought I was CRAZY for nursing her with a 7 month preggo belly. I thought there was a booger on my face about 10 times a day, and then realized that people were looking at me: pregnant and nursing. Its now its own label. I did have to remove Bella from the bed at 13 months BC of constant latching, and it making me want to crawl out of my skin at night, but that is my only complaint. Most people don't know that both the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the World Health Organization RECOMMEND 2 years of breastfeeding...shoot...I've still for 2 months for that!

To be honest, I have a feeling I will eventually have to force wean Isabella. I think she would nurse FOREVER if she was allowed. Some days she nurses more that Gloria does. I do dread that day, but hopefully ( fingers crossed) she will self wean sometime next summer! In the meantime....I'M GOING TO ENJOY THE WEIGHT JUST FALLING OFF MY BODY, and loving on my babies all the time!!!

P.S.: I've lost 30+ lbs to date since Gloria was born 8 weeks ago...YAHOO!

Love that Suffers

I've been reading this book called " The Domestic Church, Room by Room" , by Donna Marie Cooper O' Boyle. The first chapter " The Foyer"  has peaked my interest for several reasons. One, its about our Most Holy mother, MARY! The model for all Christian motherhood. I love that she references the important "YES" that Mary gave God when she accepted WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and without doubt, that she would bring the Savior of the world. But what I am struck by most in this first chapter is the concept of "love that suffers". What does it mean?  Mary truly partook in every aspect of Jesus' pain and suffering. She is a mother who understands suffering. She is the new "Eve' being that she became the Mother of the whole Church at Jesus' request. We shouldn't be afraid to call on her as she knows all the pains and suffering that motherhood requires.

I also attended my monthly "mothering with grace" meeting today. The virtue of the month was hope. I feel that the chapter of my book, and this months virtue go hand and hand. I hope that I can learn to grow and emulate Mary. I hope that when my days become overwhelming, that I can remember to call upon her. I find it amazing that the same Holy Spirit that came to Mary at the Annunciation, is there for me to call upon too. DO I OFFER UP MY SUFFERING FOR THE SAKE OF LOVING MY CHILDREN THE WAY GOD HAS CALLED ME TO? I truly believe that my vocation is motherhood. Do i fulfill it to the best of my God given ability? Most days, no. Some days I come close, but fail at the end of day, usually putting my kids to bed. When my children look at me, are they seeing an image of the divine? I hope the do, but I really cant say.

I am writing this because Mike and I are having the hardest time with Max. He seems to be out of control when really...he is just doing what he sees Mike and I doing. He responds to us they way we REACT to him. Why am I not utilizing the gift I have been given the this PERFECT example of motherhood? Jesus himself was both fully man and fully God, so at some point in time he must have behaved like a toddler would. At some point in time, he must have been mischievous, and Mary must have had to discipline Him, right? There must be SOMETHING God wants all mothers to understand by having our children be toddlers, and all the other joyous phases of life! So, why then do I feel so ill equipped to deal with them? I learned alot of useful tips at my MWG meeting, and I am definitely looking forward to putting them into practice, but i still wonder...do I offer my sufferings up for the sake of love, even when I am equipped to handle whats happening? Do i truly show my children the face of Christ when i try to lead them to Him?

it something I have to work on. its something my husband has to work on. its something we can only fix with Gods loving grace and Mary's eternal hope that I too can be called to holiness in the sublime role of raising my children. Mary's holiness was rooted in her faith...that's my goal!

Gloria's Birth Story

this is ONE for the books.

I have been asked my a few people to share the story of Gloria coming into the world. I am not sure where to begin. I had been praying for weeks that she wouldn't come late for many reasons. we were up against a deadline...a BIG ONE! My official due date was July 9,2011. Mike's military contract expired July 21, 2011 at MIDNIGHT, which meant that if she was late she could only be 12 days late at the most. I love my midwife...she is the most amazing person ever, and while she had done a good job calming my fears for weeks, my due date was coming...FAST! I was beyond frustrated by the time my due date came and went...I was in pre-term labor at 33 weeks. I went to the hospital...which was a big deal since I was using a midwife, and they had to give me drugs to stop my contractions...at 33 weeks. both my midwife and I were convinced that this baby was going to come early. I didn't want to do anything that might hurt my chances of having this baby on time by prohibiting what was happening now...but we still had to make it to 36 weeks to deliver at the Birth Center.

Now, I feel the need to give a bit of history here. My first born was an agonizing 26.5 hours of hard labor with NO DRUGS. I was young, naive, and too arrogant to really do any research about birth. So i ended up with a natural, stuck in the bed, delivery...and SWORE i would never do that again. My 2nd and 3rd babies ( Max and Isabella), were both inductions with epidurals. When i got pregnant with Gloria, I was really torn as to which way I wanted to go. I knew that labor was easy with epidurals, although both Max and Bella were still long... 8-10 hours each. I felt more mature and spiritually ready to take on natural labor again, giving that it was an opportunity to offer up my suffering for the Lord. I was ecstatic when I found out that our insurance would accept the Birth Center as well. Given my history, and that this was my 4th baby...again, i was SURE she was going to be on time.

Apparently, she has other plans. I was frustrated as my due date came and went. We were charting so I was positive as to the accuracy of the EDD. I definitely understand that even with charting, THIS is still just an estimation. I was about 36 weeks along when I was informed that I was 2-3 cm and about 50% effaced. Now, I also understand that this means NOTHING in terms of when you were going to start labor, but I was truly thrilled with the fact that my body was doing SOMETHING on its own. I lived in fear that at the last minute my uterus was going to decide it didn't want to expel this baby, and literally had nightmares about it. I continued to have contractions pretty regularly for weeks, but nothing that became real labor. Nothing I did increased the intensity, or even made them come closer together. I was using a hypnobabies program in order to remain as calm as was possible during labor. I was looking forward to this experience, and wanted it to be the best it could be. I was looking forward to using the water tub and just being relaxed and in peace for the birth of this sweet baby.

Finally, as we approached 40 weeks...things really started to SLOW DOWN...yes ....slow down. The contractions stopped altogether at 40weeks 1day. well, I was exasperated. My midwife was going to be out of town the following weekend, and my body still had not changed since my checkup at 36 weeks. I was out of time. I prayed continuously for that week for Gloria to decide it was time. I sent emails upon emails asking for prayers that she would come soon, and that I wouldn't miss the insurance date and wouldn't end up being sent to the hospital ( after 42 weeks, most midwives will refer you to an OB and ultimately a hospital for delivery. I was terrified that after 8 years of healing, I was going to miss my chance of having a natural birth. I know due dates are just estimates, but I needed her out NOW. I was convinced of what my Hypnobabies CD's had been telling me for weeks..."baby are born on their birthdays, not when doctors say they are". I had a history of late babies ( my first was 42 weeks 2 days) so why was I still so unprepared for the feelings I had being "overdue"...she only had 12 days to be overdue.  The whole next week I tried everything; walking, swimming, eating spicy food, all my natural remedies...and I even began getting frustrated with my midwife who insisted on waiting until 41 weeks to try anything to augment labor...I DIDNT HAVE 41 weeks...lol! ( again, i remind you that i LOVE my midwife, and now know she KNEW exactly what she was doing)

Finally, July 16 cam around...exactly 41 weeks. I did my normal routine that day. Nothing out of the norm. Mike and I actually had a HUGE argument over something silly...aka...me being hormonal. He left for confession and Mass at about 4:00pm. I thing my contractions started about then, but they weren't really worth noting until about 5:30. I wasn't convinced it was labor so at 5:30 I made a quick call to the midwife on call, since mine was out of town...figures. She didn't answer so i decided to take a shower hoping that staying upright would keep the contractions coming. After about an hour, I called again ( 6:30 pm) and spoke to the midwife. She said I didn't really sound ready to come in since I was still fin between contracitons and that I should call her back in a bit and keep her posted. Mike was still at Mass, and I was getting worried that he wasn't going to make it home to take me to the Birth Center. I didn't notice the time but somewhere around 30 minutes later, I was no longer able to talk between contractions. I wasn't in horrible pain, but i was unable to get into my hypnobabies zone, and therefore felt everything. I am not sure why my techniques weren't working, but I feel like part of it was that I was still trying to tell myself it wasn't real. I truly couldn't bear the thought that this was still false labor and the baby still wasn't coming. From here my memory kid of fades in and out. I think sometime around 7:45 I called the midwife again, and said that I REALLY wanted to be at the birth center. Given that my other labors had been long 8-10 hours...I wasn't in any hurry, but something told me i didn't want to be at home anymore. We packed up our stuff...I used the restroom and we were in the car by 8:15...Now, during the last 30mins, my contracions had picked up and were very intense. I felt the need to stop doing something during a contraction, and only move if I had to, which did make getting to the car quite difficult.  Finally we took off about 8:15. It was a 20 min ride there so the midwife said she would meet us there in about 25 minutes. at this point i turned into the "screaming lady" i had worked 9 months on NOT becoming, but Gloria was coming. I told Mike about 10 minutes into the ride that he needed to get there and get there NOW. I was shocked when I felt like i wanted/needed to push...I tried not to but it didn't work. I was totally panicked thinking I was going to have this baby in the car. How could this happen? I worked so hard on preparing for this gentle, relaxing birth, and this was just chaos. We made it to the parking lot at 8:42 ( i know this because I texted a friend to let her know she needed to HURRY if she wanted to be there) Mike ran inside and told the midwife that I couldn't get out of the car, and I literally couldn't. She was coming and there was no stopping it. I stood up in the front passenger door way to try and get out, and was struck by an intense contraction in which i was pushing and there was nothing I could do...my water broke right there in the car. I thought " are you kidding??? she is a week late and now I'm going to have her in the car". Sometime in the next 3 minutes, the midwife, Michael and myself managed to get inside ( i left my bottoms in the care), lay down , and push once and there she was...Gloria Camille Mayulianos. In all the chaos, NO ONE LOOKED AT THE CLOCK until about 15 minutes after she came. The only reason we have a time of birth at 8:47 pm is bc the midwife's teenage daughter just happen to send a text message right when she was born and that's how we got a time.

My reflections on this day are scattered. I love that she was born naturally with no drugs, and I will do it that way again in a heartbeat. It was the most amazing birth experience ever. I prayed for the Lord to send me a content baby ( if you have ever met her big sister Bella, you will understand why I prayed for this), and that's EXACTLY what I got. Praise God, for this sweet baby. I am amazed at the skill lever of midwives. Gloria had a ton of meconium in her waters, and it was handled with ease and perfection. She never had a complication or was ever taken from my arms. She was pink, happy and BEAUTIFUL!!! I am amazed at the Lord's perfect timing...altogether labor was 3 hours 17 mins....a true gift from the Lord above. I waited an extra week, but was gifted with a labor the Lord knew I could handle. It was the type of experience that I wanted to have again. I am disappointed that I didn't get the water birth I had hoped for, but NEXT time, I'm heading into the midwife as soon as contractions start...I almost had a baby in a parking lot...at least she will have a great story to tell!!!

what do people see??

Lately, as I have been examining my life, and things I want to change, grow in, get better at etc...I asked myself this question...When people see me, do they see a Catholic??? Do I portray to others what I feel like Christ has called me to do? When people walk into my home, do they see a CATHOLIC home?

Now I definately have gotten better about caring TOO much what people think and say, but this really struck me to my core...when people see me and my family, whats the FRIST thing they think/see? I have been fortunate enough to have AMAZING CATHOLIC women in my life who truly inspire me to be a better mother, wife, and Catholic. When i am around these women I am motivated to strive for excellence in my faith because theirs is so great, and shines through in every aspect of their lives. It resonates within them, their children, their spouses, and their homes. I honestly feel as though my life as a Catholic is seriously lagging behind. I am not comparing in a jealous manner or coveting what they have...I am simply trying to immitate the exceptional example I feel Jesus is asking me to take advantage of.

Most who know me well, also know the trials we have with our son. He is a joy some days, and a bear the others. He runs hot. He runs cold, and somedays I swear he could anger the Pope himself. I often wonder..am I the ONLY parent who has a child like this. How would my other mom friends handle their child if my son was theirs?? The sigh of relief i gave when I found out we werent the ONLY parents in history to stop taking their children to church was immense. Then I wonder...why can other peoples children behave in church, and mine cant? How do other families instill proper church behavior in their kids? I am dumbfounded most mornings at church bc I sit and gaze at the array of WELL BEHAVED babes, thinking to myself, my child WOULD NEVER do that! I want a CATHOLIC approach to the solution, but Im unsure of what that is. I pray and ask for guidance. I often seek advice from others, and nothing seems to do the trick. Most days I find myself yelling and screaming at the end of the day because he has just gotten the better of me. How do I instill in him what the Lord wants me to while still keeping my sanity??

My other complaint that I am so ashamed of is that....I DONT KNOW ALOT ABOUT MY FAITH. I hardly know any of the lives of saints. I dont know alot of Catholic organizations or orders of friars to pray to. I dont know where and why the things/prayers we say during Mass come from or why we say them...I know that I do love my faith, and I am always taken aback as to the knowledge those around me have...how do you all do that? where do you find the time to gain this knowledge? I am overwhelmed as to where to start to grow or even how to begin. I know prayer has got to be first and foremost. I am getting better at working prayer time into my day with myself, and the Kids. I am going to start doing the daily readings with them, and take them to Mass at least twice a week. Im hoping for 3 days a week. I just feel that even those TINY steps will overwhelm me. I want to homeschool because I truly feel that call, but often I find myself thinking..." can I do it if I cant even get them to behave in church"...oh woe is me...

I dont mean to be such a downer. I am truly just lost. I want to be this amazing Catholic. I have dreams about the day when people look at me and say the awesome things I say about other Catholic moms I know...I worry I wont get there. I worry Ill give up on it...

I started reading this really good book called "The Catholic Home" by Meredith Gould. It an easy introduction to things I can do in my daily household that bring my faith to its center. its great. I also picked up " The Domestic Church" and " A Contintual Feast" since I love to cook.

I ask for prayers. I ask for patience, and if you do see me...some encouraging words ,maybe your story to faith...